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astroboy87
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Name: Christopher
Gender: Male
Interests: Jesus Christ, Astronomy, Astrophysics, Mathmatics, Physics, Cosmology, Intelligent Design Theory, Computer Programming, Linguistics, Greek, Latin, Spanish, German, Music (Piano), Singing, a good read
Expertise: Astrophysics
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  astrophysicist87
Member Since:
8/30/2005
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| ...i guess i'll post here instead. i've been doing a lot of thinking recently, though i don't really have time to get into it all right now. i don't know how many people actually read the little blurbs i put out here from time to time, but here goes a little quip i came up with, just for starters. some food for thought: tolerance is the sluggard's epistemology.
tell me what you think.
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| well, i'm off to spend a week and a half in haiti...if you think of me, pray for me.
it's been a hard road, getting ready for all of this. i've been struggling with bitterness and unforgiveness in a number of different respects, doubt, worry, anger, unusual stress levels...generally bad attitudes left and right. it's been stealing my joy.
but i guess that's a good thing. i mean, how awesome must be what God has for me in the next 10 days that there should be this much opposition to my celebrating the privilege of going on this trip?
i hate being controlled. i hate being forced to do things i don't want to do, and i hate being inconvenienced. i hate missing classes. i hate variables, unknowns, new experiences.
but what is my faith if it is not faith in the fire? there are too few opportunities in the run-of-the-mill activities that life brings my way to truly exercise complete dependence on my God to whine and complain when one finally happens to pass by. to fail now would be to cheapen my faith. but, no, my faith is precious and true, and if it is to be proven so, it is to be tested by fire. fire hurts. and therein lies the crux of the matter.
no discipline for the moment is pleasant, but in time it produces the fruit of righteousness. that's what i want. i want to do something hard, something worthwhile. i want to be more like my Lord, in His suffering. if that means i have to swallow my pride and admit that i might still have something to learn, or that i have to submit to the inexorable will of a dominatrix...then that's what i shall do. the Lord has taught me to forgive, and to trust; that's what i haven't truly done until now. God forgive me.
i believe; help my unbelief.
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| 720. that's equivalent to the 60th percentile of gre physics scores. that's awesome. praise. the. Lord.
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| well, a couple of hours ago, i just submitted my last two papers for the semester...which means i'm DONE!!! whoohoo. now on to grad applications. btw, i have been home since monday night, but i didn't finish until just now.
i got some cool books on various interesting topics, including the mathematics of ciphers, general relativity, the Christian zodiac, and quantum field theory. should be a sweet break, except that i may not have time to actually read. oh well. gre scores come soon. stay tuned for more...
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| oddly enough, i've done a very poor job of giving thanks in my life recently. a conversation with my mom has revealed to me just how much bitterness and anger runs in my heart over a few things which have befallen me recently. to be fair, the anger is certainly well-directed, but the lack of forgiveness is sin.
and why would i lack forgiveness, after all Christ has done for me? i realized that i wanted those who had wronged me to suffer. i wanted them to be humiliated, to feel the pain that i was and am feeling. in my heart of hearts, in my flesh, i believed that if i just surrendered it to the Lord, that He would be much too nice to them on judgment day. i wanted to see them suffer! and why not? they had and have caused me all this misery...they should KNOW what they've done, and regret it accordingly. God, in all of His grace and compassion, will probably just forgive them and that will be the end of it. they'll never know the difference! how angering! how incensing! how frustrating!
and then the Spirit of God reminds me of jonah. at the end of the book, he is angry with the Lord, and why? because the Lord has done something unjust? no, but because He is gracious and compassionate, abounding in lovingkindness. jonah is angry that God would relent of the evil He had sworn against the ninevites! i must admit, i had always sort of laughed at jonah when i read that. i mean, how childish. God IS love; get over yourself. He forgives those who repent and turn to Him; that's what He DOES. how silly to be angry with Him for being so good!
and yet here i find myself, thinking and praying the VERY same words that jonah prayed. oh Lord, whence is this sickness of my heart? how sick and weak i am, that i should despise Your grace when it is bestowed upon one whom i think does not deserve it...when i myself do not deserve it! Lord, forgive me, for my sin is great.
and in this grace, which i love and hate, i find the very rest that will set me free from all else. thank You, Lord, for Your grace. thank You for forgiving me for my lack of forgiveness. You are good, Lord, and You are great.
Happy Thanksgiving, Lord. You are worthy. Amen.
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I'm a O12-C92-E70-A50-N55 Big Five!!